The hosts, the hospitality, the hospitals, the hospice and the nhumane humans

1.The HIGHEST common denominator,( as opposed to the" factor" that we have all learned in our mathematics at school) in the friends and families abroad, is their effortless ease in DOING things for the visitors.The common thread that binds them all, without any exception, is the distances they drive to and from the airports, the drives to tourist places, the untiring attitude and the best of the lots is that they do not even make the visitors feel indebted or obliged to their hospitality. Our host in the UK, a bosom friend has been doing it for me , for the last 10 years and never has he flinched from his duty.So have the relations, who take turns to make it convenient to take us around. The reason why i feel so strongly about this particular aspect is that i hate driving, especially in the crowded parts of Ahmedabad and rarely have offered to do the same for my guests, a huge weakness that matches many more in my persona. It is obvious and well-known that you are impressed maximally by what you lack in yourself.Hence, it does not take much to impress me from their end. The host in Canada drove almost one thousand miles in five days and made me feel that he wanted to do more.Ditto for the two gentlemen in USA, who logged in about 1200 miles in the same period. Let me take a bit of the sheen from their handsome work! Their cars are a joy to drive, the road conditions on the motorway beg for more, and the scenic beauty of Canada in autumn and the incredibly beautiful Pennsylvania and Washington D.C. fall colors may have made their task easier. I am almost certain of their collective retort to this text, "Big deal, this is a done thing all over the world." My simple refrain is, " Not here, at least not with me." 2.Baltimore, is infamous for its increasing crime rate and a place not in the top 10 list when one visits the US of A. Though its aquarium can hold a candle to any in the world, an architectural marvel. But it is famous and likely to remain so, thanks to our hostess for a night, at,whose lovely home, we had a sleep over. Forced loneliness coupled with emptiness caused by a sudden departure(demise) of a spouse are almost unbearable and hence unlivable.She lost her husband ( a very handsome, affable man in his late fifties) to the scourge of many in the Western world, a massive heart attack leading to sudden death, in sleep. Sudden deaths have almost "accidental death"connotations.You are there and the next moment.....Somehow, i feel the loss feels and seems ghastly and very cruel. If ever there was a more dignified, determined and graceful loner,then, i have not seen or heard of.The lady is so matter-of -fact, though looks a pale shadow of her very pretty self but the beauty of hers is abundantly resplendent in the dignified manner in which she carries herself.She has a fantastically warm, helpful extended family, but i guess you live your solitude and your memories and nostalgia , very privately. We in India, live in a huge myth, that we have the greatest advantage of CLOSE human interactions and we are very emotional and sensitive.The faster we return to reality that we are extremely selfish, uncaring and insensitive bunch of brutes who become the ugliest when we are faceless, the better it shall be.At least it shall initiate a process of redemption.Not only have we lost value of human lives and their dignity, but even in death, we are crass, crude, callous and uncouth.We have lost our sensitivity eons ago. The realisation is even more evident when i heard this story: After the sudden and tragic loss of her husband, the lady's son also had to leave home for further studies and work.Now those who live abroad are aware of the hazards of living there without a domestic help and the DIY is a given. You wash your dishes and clothes and iron them and clean your cars and dust your house and the list is endless....But the worst is mowing your lawn periodically in spring, clearing your front and backyard of dry autumn leaves almost everyday in fall and the cruelest being shovelling the snow almost everyday in peak winter. The neighbours in her vicinity did not crowd around for a day to show their solidarity or for the support and disappear the next, like it happens here.But sure enough, an Afro-Caribbean next door, took it all upon himself to shovel snow, mow the lawn and clean the backyard of the dry autumn leaves till he is her neighbour.Sure enough, almost every morning when she would open her main door , there would be a bouquet of flowers, freshly baked cookies, chocolates and the works, outside as a mark of care, warmth and solidarity for her-of course, all these sans any name or identity. So much for an aloof or a distant, insular society......So much for the "our values against theirs".....I don't know about you but i am hugely ashamed at what we claim and what we exhibit..... Sure enough, as long as she lives there, she is never going to be alone..... 3.One of the strongest reasons to travel to Baltimore was to renew my ties with an old acquaintance...Old in more ways than one....He is the most dignified 97 year old that has tread ed the planet.Our association dates back to the times when in Ahmedabad, he used to visit my clinic with his wife for regular checks. Now the wife ! If you could ever find another man who quietly allowed the wife, her unruly ways of mismanaging her ailment, then we are sharing a different planet.Diametrically opposite in their mannerisms, as always is the case in long standing marriages, it was a refreshing interaction every time they visited me. Finally, her ailment took a turn for the worse and as is the prevalent health care system, she was declared "terminally sick". For the uninitiated, which includes yours truly as well, the health care system declares an ailing individual"terminally sick", when curative/therapeutic options get limited or actually cease to exist and the patient is then moved from hospital care to a hospice care, purely for palliative therapy.Usually, their stay with the world is then limited to months or weeks. When she was shifted to a hospice care, rather than despondency commonly associated with morbidity, the outlook to life? got only better.What with a nurse dedicated for her care who would maintain impeccable cleanliness and the nurse not only made friends with the temperamental lady, but also leaned how to wrap a SARI around her.The hospice would take care of the routine and medications as well, all this at no cost at all to the patient. When she breathed her last, the nurse was informed of her death.Lo and behold! She informed the close relations to wait for her.She duly bathed and cleaned her, wrapped a neat sari around her for the final time and attended her funeral !!!!!!!! This was just the prelude. The Social counsellor then took it upon himself to keep her husband in better mental make up by interacting with him on everyday basis to dispel loneliness.He would get him books to read and keep him good company till the health care personnel were convinced that the gentleman was in no danger of depression and shall be able to weave back, the threads of his life. The old gentleman has his own set of health issues and has to stay alone at home when people leave for work. He has been given a wrist band which is his emergency care system.At the press of a button, 911 gets dialled, an ambulance van with paramedics reach him in less than 10 minutes.There are special frequency phones provided to him where he could be contacted in the house and can be talked to.Not only that, there is a mock drill carried out on a monthly basis to keep him reassured of the medical help available to him. Talk of dignity, talk of values..talk of USA..... l | ) 1.The HIGHEST common denominator,( as opposed to the" factor" that we have all learned in our mathematics at school) in the friends and families abroad, is their effortless ease in DOING things for the visitors.The common thread that binds them all, without any exception, is the distances they drive to and from the airports, the drives to tourist places, the untiring attitude and the best of the lots is that they do not even make the visitors feel indebted or obliged to their hospitality. Our host in the UK, a bosom friend has been doing it for me , for the last 10 years and never has he flinched from his duty.So have the relations, who take turns to make it convenient to take us around. The reason why i feel so strongly about this particular aspect is that i hate driving, especially in the crowded parts of Ahmedabad and rarely have offered to do the same for my guests, a huge weakness that matches many more in my persona. It is obvious and well-known that you are impressed maximally by what you lack in yourself.Hence, it does not take much to impress me from their end. The host in Canada drove almost one thousand miles in five days and made me feel that he wanted to do more.Ditto for the two gentlemen in USA, who logged in about 1200 miles in the same period. Let me take a bit of the sheen from their handsome work! Their cars are a joy to drive, the road conditions on the motorway beg for more, and the scenic beauty of Canada in autumn and the incredibly beautiful Pennsylvania and Washington D.C. fall colors may have made their task easier. I am almost certain of their collective retort to this text, "Big deal, this is a done thing all over the world." My simple refrain is, " Not here, at least not with me." 2.Baltimore, is infamous for its increasing crime rate and a place not in the top 10 list when one visits the US of A. Though its aquarium can hold a candle to any in the world, an architectural marvel. But it is famous and likely to remain so, thanks to our hostess for a night, at,whose lovely home, we had a sleep over. Forced loneliness coupled with emptiness caused by a sudden departure(demise) of a spouse are almost unbearable and hence unlivable.She lost her husband ( a very handsome, affable man in his late fifties) to the scourge of many in the Western world, a massive heart attack leading to sudden death, in sleep. Sudden deaths have almost "accidental death"connotations.You are there and the next moment.....Somehow, i feel the loss feels and seems ghastly and very cruel. If ever there was a more dignified, determined and graceful loner,then, i have not seen or heard of.The lady is so matter-of -fact, though looks a pale shadow of her very pretty self but the beauty of hers is abundantly resplendent in the dignified manner in which she carries herself.She has a fantastically warm, helpful extended family, but i guess you live your solitude and your memories and nostalgia , very privately. We in India, live in a huge myth, that we have the greatest advantage of CLOSE human interactions and we are very emotional and sensitive.The faster we return to reality that we are extremely selfish, uncaring and insensitive bunch of brutes who become the ugliest when we are faceless, the better it shall be.At least it shall initiate a process of redemption.Not only have we lost value of human lives and their dignity, but even in death, we are crass, crude, callous and uncouth.We have lost our sensitivity eons ago. The realisation is even more evident when i heard this story: After the sudden and tragic loss of her husband, the lady's son also had to leave home for further studies and work.Now those who live abroad are aware of the hazards of living there without a domestic help and the DIY is a given. You wash your dishes and clothes and iron them and clean your cars and dust your house and the list is endless....But the worst is mowing your lawn periodically in spring, clearing your front and backyard of dry autumn leaves almost everyday in fall and the cruelest being shovelling the snow almost everyday in peak winter. The neighbours in her vicinity did not crowd around for a day to show their solidarity or for the support and disappear the next, like it happens here.But sure enough, an Afro-Caribbean next door, took it all upon himself to shovel snow, mow the lawn and clean the backyard of the dry autumn leaves till he is her neighbour.Sure enough, almost every morning when she would open her main door , there would be a bouquet of flowers, freshly baked cookies, chocolates and the works, outside as a mark of care, warmth and solidarity for her-of course, all these sans any name or identity. So much for an aloof or a distant, insular society......So much for the "our values against theirs".....I don't know about you but i am hugely ashamed at what we claim and what we exhibit..... Sure enough, as long as she lives there, she is never going to be alone..... 3.One of the strongest reasons to travel to Baltimore was to renew my ties with an old acquaintance...Old in more ways than one....He is the most dignified 97 year old that has tread ed the planet.Our association dates back to the times when in Ahmedabad, he used to visit my clinic with his wife for regular checks. Now the wife ! If you could ever find another man who quietly allowed the wife, her unruly ways of mismanaging her ailment, then we are sharing a different planet.Diametrically opposite in their mannerisms, as always is the case in long standing marriages, it was a refreshing interaction every time they visited me. Finally, her ailment took a turn for the worse and as is the prevalent health care system, she was declared "terminally sick". For the uninitiated, which includes yours truly as well, the health care system declares an ailing individual"terminally sick", when curative/therapeutic options get limited or actually cease to exist and the patient is then moved from hospital care to a hospice care, purely for palliative therapy.Usually, their stay with the world is then limited to months or weeks. When she was shifted to a hospice care, rather than despondency commonly associated with morbidity, the outlook to life? got only better.What with a nurse dedicated for her care who would maintain impeccable cleanliness and the nurse not only made friends with the temperamental lady, but also leaned how to wrap a SARI around her.The hospice would take care of the routine and medications as well, all this at no cost at all to the patient. When she breathed her last, the nurse was informed of her death.Lo and behold! She informed the close relations to wait for her.She duly bathed and cleaned her, wrapped a neat sari around her for the final time and attended her funeral !!!!!!!! This was just the prelude. The Social counsellor then took it upon himself to keep her husband in better mental make up by interacting with him on everyday basis to dispel loneliness.He would get him books to read and keep him good company till the health care personnel were convinced that the gentleman was in no danger of depression and shall be able to weave back, the threads of his life. The old gentleman has his own set of health issues and has to stay alone at home when people leave for work. He has been given a wrist band which is his emergency care system.At the press of a button, 911 gets dialled, an ambulance van with paramedics reach him in less than 10 minutes.There are special frequency phones provided to him where he could be contacted in the house and can be talked to.Not only that, there is a mock drill carried out on a monthly basis to keep him reassured of the medical help available to him. Talk of dignity, talk of values..talk of USA.....