As the current year closes in tightly, the thoughts wander. The days gone by, though hazy, have etched lines and imprints indelibly. The whole period, looks so much like last year's notebooks. The pages are a little limp, dogeared and the writing - incomprehensible. There is a common thread running through all the pages, almost all of them - " could have been so much neater and more organised ". The days gone by suffer from the same comparison.
It is very vivid and stark in the memory. The crispness and the newness of the textbook and the notebook papers. The peculiarly baffling smell ( stench ) of the " gummy ", " keroseney" fresh papers, stuck at some place, leaving black marks on the fingertips while i eagerly flipped them. They were such essential ingredients of the start of an academic new year. The reams of brown paper and the miscalculated hence "perpetually running short labels " to be stuck on the covers, covered the floors of tiny spaces earmarked for the ritual. But most dramatic was the quality of the handwriting which graced the labels and the right hand corners of the notebooks. The very best was reserved for that space and a " rough recce " preceded the " fair " final prints.
As the days progressed and the school hours stretched to infinity, the quality of writing and the substance deteriorated to vagueness and reached a nadir. Strongest of resolves and efforts proved inadequate to recreate the first day magic.Does all this ring a bell?
Reflecting on the quality, nature and substance of the days gone by of the yesteryear, the paramount feeling generally is that " only if given another chance " , i could surely have done much better. Nothing is lost as yet. We all have a full quota of the crisp, fresh, gift wrapped in the most sublime colors of the rainbow, 365 days. Our first baby steps in 2011, shall be ginger yet the very best that we can offer to ourselves and the world, akin to the handwriting on the first few pages of a new notebook. Yes, the need to perform well, everyday thereafter, shall slow us down. The deliberate nature of that pace shall be frowned upon as the days pass. The need to maintain or keep abreast of life and its vagaries shall dilute the purity and sanctity of intent and effort.The handwriting shall gradually turn illegible, and surely we shall find reasons, convincing enough to condone the deterioration that sets in.
Is it a given that we allow the new year's practices, as the new dawn to old habits and perpetuate them? Why is there a need for introspection, alterations, resolutions, looking over the shoulder, hindsight and reformation, NOW ? Why not keep an account, a journal, a dossier, a diary of the flaws, inadequacy, deceit, dishonesty, negativity, on a daily basis? The magnitude of alterations and reforms required for the new year pose such enormity that it deflates and discourages, even the most steely and fiercely resolved.
The pressure of not being able to live up to the contrived promises is so enormous, right at the start of the year, that it is almost like encashing a cheque from the bank where you do not even have an account. Financial bankruptcy does not pose a danger more grave, than the emotional one that follows the realisation of this inadequacy. Hence the attempts to better the good, next year, is fraught with huge problems.And in any case, the worst enemy good has is to do better. So let us remain wedded to our self proclaimed mediocrity, average ordinariness and run - of - the - mill existence. If we deserve that so shall we get it. If we want to get better, we need to set the reforms and earn/ deserve it.Till then let the "disturbing" peace prevail.
Hence prudence demands that all these equations and possibilities be attended at the leisure hours of the coming Saturday and Sunday, nursing the hangover of yet another year gone by.Till then the pages shall remain crisp, fresh and blank, eager to receive our unique imprints. Right now is the time to do exactly what was done for years on the last day, every year. Hold your spirits high ( excuse the pun ) and say cheers.It is everyone's birthday tomorrow. Hic...hic.. hurray....
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