Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Heal With Heart.

When the rusty and creaky door handle of the hostel room is ruthlessly banged tonight, the greenhorn shall be rudely startled. Yanked off from the cosy comfort of his sleep, he shall be hard pressed to gather the wits about him. Still very wet behind the ears, he shall be the first port of call. Unlike when he was a medical student, as a first-year doctor, he will not be able to deflect every question with a list of hypothetical answers, ( all duly crammed and mugged up and ready to rattle off ).Because when a patient is unwell, he will need to act quickly, with conviction and offer practical solutions to a restless, anxious soul.To offer medical knowledge that he has gathered at the training, is what he shall eagerly and enthusiastically carry out to YET ANOTHER PATIENT. He could be caught up treating asthma or stroke or angina, rather than a nervous, edgy and vulnerable Ms.Kothari or Mr.Trivedi or a Mr.Chopra.

In the never ending night, he will probably need to pacify a querulous relative, attend a cardiac arrest, deal with a recalcitrant alcoholic and chart the right dose of a painkiller. Like every other intern, he will probably stay late and wonder how he didn't even get to the loo or grab a bite. These very nights, used to end in a blink, when he was shaking a leg as the beau of her beloved.Now they have thrown every little biological rhythm of his, out of gear.

Agile processing and critical reasoning, these skills will take time to develop. Internship is all about finding your place again - at the bottom of a hierarchy. It is about being receptive to a tsunami of information, but instead of being stymied by it, embracing what you need to better yourself. It involves a lot of mindful observation about what goes on around you and how you can adapt it to your temperament and needs.

As interns begin this challenging rite of passage, it is an apt time to ask what a society, which invests so heavily in its doctors, is entitled to expect from interns, who are the effective gatekeepers in a public hospital system.

Having a diligent and caring intern is what patients often nominate as having made the difference to their hospital stay. This is because interns still spend the most face time with patients compared with more senior doctors, who have to contend with clinical and administrative duties. Interns are the first contact for the majority of concerns, and while they may not consider themselves much more than a highly qualified scribe, they underestimate their own worth to a patient.

It is a reasonable assumption that successful graduates will be safe practitioners. But the real question should be whether we are producing interns who carry anything more than facts and statistics in their heads and can also think with their hearts.Think with hearts and feel with their heads !

How does a sick, frail or dying pin all their hopes on a bunch of novices, caught giggling on their cell phones, a minute ago? How would an alert and sceptical relative of the dying, put his faith in that intern? Will the patient allow his day to day well being in the hands of a fidgety, overzealous bloke who has a slew of medications for every complaint?

A patient will trust a doctor who will listen more and assume less, all the while being sensitive, compassionate and responsive.Where have all of them gone? Are these fresh from the oven, but half baked interns trained TO FEEL? Is a novice geared to lessen the anxiety, create security and offer peace, when all he exudes are immense restlessness and the need TO DO rather than observe, analyse and still bide time not to act or wait? Will he not get rattled by the incessant barrage of questions from the never ending posse of relatives? Shall he exude calmness and offer confidence when he himself is grappling exactly with the lack of both these? Who ever taught him to return only the calls that make sense, provide holistic view about the patient's present and future? Is he taught to switch sides and feel all that the poor soul in a tizzy, at the mercy of a non- existing system and half baked knowledge, going through? Would he be ready to learn to ask the questions that are common to every patient and his relative and the neighbour's dog?

. Ask any doctor about the motivation to be a healer. On top of the list, is the desire to help others. Ask any intern what the most satisfying part of the job is and you will be told it is the doctor-patient interaction.Does he remain polite and bereft of all the fluff that usually occupies the head of fresh or experienced doctors? Learn to feel.Only then shall he perceive the helplessness and the incessant questions of the patient.

I am almost certain." The doctor" has become jaded and insensitive. In part this is due to the chronic engagement with the sick. The sob stories of the children of the lesser God,have lost their meaning or worse, their impact. It is a wishful thinking and a proven, unrealistic approach that by simply submitting interns to long hours and more fact-based teaching, we will turn them into better doctors.

Bend a little bit more or else we shall break, break the intangible yet very holy that governs the doctor- patient relationship. Break all that is left of the trust and faith that the patients, unfortunately are forced to put in us and the dismal healthcare we offer.

A more flexible curriculum shall truly nurture our interns to become better communicators about a whole range of subjects that cause anguish to patients. Some common things that our patients expect us to do better at include breaking bad news, dealing with a health setback, discussing the end of life and registering their priorities without inserting our own.And on top of all these is the readiness to LISTEN and not butt in. Do not offer solutions to the problems that are not possible to cure. More often than not patients need to BE HEARD.

A patient carries an indelible impression of doctor's humanity and personal touch. The urgent need to correct what is obvious and shouting out loud as the sure shot symptom and sign of a disease may earn only a few brownie points. To deal with a human being in strife, rather than attend only the strife requires lot of maturity and soft skills. Yet fostering these skills is still considered an optional extra in the making of a doctor.

In their lifetime the doctors are likely to see some extraordinary discoveries. Somewhere today, there may be an overworked intern who may one day find the cure for cancer or diabetes or multiple sclerosis.

For now, they would do well to remember that when it comes to being a good doctor, caring can be just as important as curing.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Alimony.

Alimony?
An aftermath of a failed matrimony
It ain't enough, the separation ignominy
Cough up money
More than when in matrimony
Every little dime and penny

It's the devil's due, the ransom
A pension for life, ( the pun rife)
To an erstwhile wife, not handsome
In life you win some and lose some
Alimony, you lose all and you're lonesome

Even before the marriage, the jury was out, right?
It just didn't work, tried with all your might
Two wrongs, couldn't make it right
Life together was a sorry plight
Now,
Feeding oats to the dead horse, day and night
Small mercy,
Got for company, a fist open, tight !

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Man- the growing pain !

Man, eternally in adolescence
Doesn't he have a conscience?

Woman has a reason to pause
Stupid, now it's menopause!
Man too has a clause
It's andropause
Testosterone, about to close
Yet the adrenaline always flows
This man, he ever grows?

What laughter is to childhood
Sex is to adolescence
What maturity is to womanhood
Immaturity and insolence
Adolescence and then obsolescence, ( but sex always ), is to manhood !

Ask any woman,
Little children- a headache
Ask any woman
These big children?- a heartache!
Little children disturb woman's sleep
Big children, her life- the creeps !

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Be to her virtues very kind, Be to her faults a little blind.

God made the man
He then made the woman
First made the rough plan of the clan
Then came the master plan
He made her from the man's rib
That was her first crib !

From then,
For a man, every woman
Is "wow" man !

Man is inside every wo"man",
She feigns, every man is a mere
"Also ran" !

She sighs- the woman
He lies- the man
Through her sighs says more, the woman
He not even a patch on her, through his sermon

Still the loyal man
He always a woman woos
Flowers, candles and chocolate mousse
No cost is high, he never wants to lose

He looks for beauty than the brain
Knows the search for a brain
Is sure down the drain
Still
She better have beauty than the brain
Can see better than think, he can !

Love, he thinks forever shall ooze
Lust she KNOWS shall be her noose
All that he lusts with her is a snooze
She knows too well- the goose

He promises the cruise
Falls at her shoes
Her face with rage, crimson and rouge
Poor man !
Has no clues
Drowns himself in the booze !

Friday, January 7, 2011

Seduction.

For all matters particulate
Let it be known
All great lovers are articulate
With subtlety, they gesticulate
Verbal seduction, they titillate

Seduction be singular and sublime
Commands a price, higher than a dime
The lady's resistance
To a gentleman's persistence
Not a sign of defiance
Just a matter of her experience !

Fight her fiercely, is no intelligence
Conquest be yours with perseverance
A mock surrender, tactic of supreme excellence
A lot of attention, sans a fight, break her resistance


A stint in subjugation
An excellent education
A snail reached the ark
Hope, caution and determination
All is fair in love, war and seduction
A gentleman shall get her woman
Exercise imagination
Every little permutation and combination.

Living a dream...

You laugh at my dreams
They are my life in reams
Now with your laughter, the life teems
Of laughter together, the life dreams

Everyone dies, but not everyone lives
In my dreams, i have lived many a lives

You never loved, so never lived
If i never lived
For a life was lived
In the hope of living
Living the dream of you- loving

I may not have dreams with reason
But have found you, the reason of my dreams

Self - love was the reason i live on
Your love is the reason i dream on

Life does seem
A thirsty dream
You hear a scream
My cry for your love in my dream.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Favourite national sport- Gen Y bashing.

" If you've seen one, you've seen them all, almost !" is the assessment of the Gen Y by a not so young, 50 something. Let me do a recap on what i have heard and read - not very flattering for the 20- somethings.

-- They have such attitude, Gosh !

-- I guess not only yours, all kids have this attitude problem.

-- Oh, try and talk to them. I asked my daughter out for a family do. She wrote back on my wall on the Facebook, declining the invite.

-- How on earth do you communicate with them? Oh, it's easy, he is always "logged on."

-- Baby, can't wear such hideous stuff. There will be people there !

-- Empathy? Ask them to spell it! Zyxsp..?

The list is endless.Each 40, 50 or 60 somethings have a quip or two to add and spice it up.

Scientists and researchers have categorically declared that 60-somethings are more sensitive and empathetic than 20-somethings and 40-somethings. In short, their ''emotional intelligence'' is greater.There always is the place for the " rogue minority", which could be my grumpy grand dad or your picky grand mom.

The psychologist Robert Levenson concluded that ''increasingly, it appears that the meaning of late life centres on social relationships and caring for and being cared for by others." Mark " LATE " life.

Has the Gen Y got accustomed to being accused of having too little patience, concentration, focus and humility - among their myriad flaws? Must they now add "too little empathy" to this burgeoning list?

I suspect there is this inherent flaw in such assumptions/ beliefs/ interpretations.It is getting increasingly tough to bridge the chasm that exists. The 50 - somethings need to learn. They need to comprehend the " reality " of the young. It is almost akin to a situation, where a "certified normal" is baffled and at his wit's end, trying to comprehend the behavioral pattern of a "schizophrenic". Now, before jumping to conclusions about who is what, let us list some home truths.

These 20 - somethings carry less baggage and shall carry on living seemingly unruffled existence. Either they are sans empathy or concede that they are smarter in managing their emotions and feelings. They could be better at being almost minimalistic or optimise their energy in dealing with sticky situations, better? Ain't they smarter? Is it that the 50 - somethings have a superfluous, overzealous attitude to the same challenges? It is likely that they discharge their emotions differently and to an older individual, this may seem ludicrous or even downright reprehensible.

While talking to a bubbly 19 year old, i got to learn the following. She said: ''We empathise, we just channel our empathy in a different way. Instead of writing a letter of condolences, we post on Facebook or write a text message. Instead of baking a cake, we go down to the local pub and have a drink to celebrate someone's life.''

A mother of one said: ''Twenty-somethings have Facebook 'friends' they have never met, they sign off phone calls with I love you and end text messages with a x [kiss]. Some say it's not real emotion but it is. Their communications are exaggerated but hey, give the devils their due. They do understand loyalty - and empathy''.

Older people are the sum total of their experiences. They would react differently.The bashing of Gen Y is now a national sport but we need to restrain ourselves. This is not really about the insensitivity of the young. It's about the benefits of experience. You have to have lived a life in order to really understand that there is always more going on than meets the eye. The deep lessons of life cannot come quickly.

The young give an air that they live an idea that happiness is their birthright. Nothing wrong with that. The issue gets murky when the old feel that the young live the right with gay abandon and seemingly reckless attitude. The feeling is that probably the God's own children, will never get ready to take the rough with the smooth, recognise the sadness, sorrows and suffering of life. They may harbour a grudge against life and fail to read the story of human life in its entirety.

The story of life must involve lots of darkness and disappointments. Anticipating these would be a smart idea. Experiencing them is almost non- negotiable. Getting scarred because of them is always optional.Young seem to be immune to scarring while the old, a sitting duck.As the ride gets bumpier in the second half of life, which is why we become more compassionate, more thoughtful, more sensitive and capable of more empathy.

" The life surely begins at 40." Doesn't it? All those nodding their heads in affirmation, try asking this to a 20 - something !